just kiss me

unknown/love trains

i'm Sorry

andrea huemmer

For blaming you to be the reason for my weight gain and supposed uglinesss. I was still pretty with you. And I'm sorry for never believing you. Because I know my insecurities ended us. But I was so happy at one point.

But now I'm just fat, and sad. Where there was once radiance is now replaced with underlying dullness.

But I know this is the best for us because I'm learning. It really is the hardest way but thats the only way. This pain let's me know that I'm capable of feeling. Sadness is the only passion that lets me know there is blood in these veins. I can appreciate everything. Most importantly, I will appreciate you.

I know you might not want me back for all the terrible things I said. The things I said I wanted. I'm so selfish. I never cared about anyone except for myself. And you cared about me more than you cared about you. I wish I could say the same. I understand that you are completely unattractive to the fact my cravings for experience overpower my cravings for your existence. But its not cravings for experience, but more so, for growth.

So I can feel beautiful without you telling me. So I can learn to handle this messiness. So i can put myself together and be okay. But I need to love myself first before I can love you.

smile

tumblr/weheartit

i don't believe in love anymore.

coupdegrâce.

I don't believe in love anymore. I once was love's biggest fan. I loved love. I believed in love at first sight, true love, soul mate, all that mushy-gushy stuff the best songs and books are written about. It's what every little girl dreams about. One day my prince will come....blah blah blah. I used to believe in love. I was in love, like I'm talking head over heals, stars in your eyes in L-O-V-E. I loved you with all my heart even though I knew you weren't perfect. You were always more sure about us. Then we broke up for a summer, but our hearts led us back together after three months of not ever really being broken up. When I walked in on you and her in bed, I thought my world would end. But time heals all wounds right? And you were so sorry and it was the biggest mistake of your life and I took you back once again. We were happy again and more in love than ever. Then you said you wanted to move in together when the summer ended. And from there we would live happily ever after, you even knew how you wanted to propose but wouldn't tell me the surprise. I was living every girls fantasy. Against the odds we were soul mates made for one another. You went on your graduation trip across Europe and wrote me romantic emails. Then an e-mail came from six time zones away saying it had all been a lie. A lie? Three years was a lie? What should I be more upset about my broken dreams and broken heart, or the fact that I fell for it? Only fools fall in love, and love played me like a fiddle. So I don't believe in love anymore. Because if you don't believe in love there is nothing to cry about, and I don't have anymore tears to cry. So I gave up on love because it gave up on me.

imagine

both unknown

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it transcends explanation

ffffound

The night we met, is and will always remain a bit of a blur in my mind. Dizzy. Drinking. Dancing. Drunk. Close to tears because I could tell that the person who I was with then wasn’t the person I should be with. In my blurry state, I started to realise that there should be more to love then looking at the stars together, watching the fireworks and kissing in the back of limousines and spas. He wasn’t right for me, and I knew it deep down but my imagination build him up into being someone worthy of my love. We met eyes, we’d heard each others names, maybe passed each other by in the street before. We kept coming back to each other, as if drawn by something unexplainable. We shared a Jäger bottle, then you tied your bow tie round my neck. I wandered off. I lost your bow tie. You got angry. You got more drunk and forgot you were angry. we walked back to my friends house. For miles and miles, it seemed. We arrived at a primary school. The door to the principles office was left unlatched. We sat in the principles office. We had a bottle of vodka and wrote messages on the principles desk in shaky writing. Then we heard a strange sound. The security alarm. We ran away. Faster and faster. Down on the beach we walked for miles and miles. A gap between us, you knew the other boy I was with. We watched the stars and heard the surf. We got separated and you couldn’t find your way back from the house. We were close after this. inseparable. I bought you a new bowtie. A light blue one. We were together, but, always just friends. You were there for me to get over how I’d let myself fall for the wrong guy. You were still nursing a bruised and broken heart. I didn’t believe in love, but you convinced me that it was something wroth believing in. You made me want to believe in something – in wishing on shooting stars and being just friends. I thought that I just needed you as a friend. Just you. Nothing more. Nothing less. You were someone to share my secrets with and to cuddle up with when I was having trouble sleeping. You were someone who made me smile. I thought this was enough. It wasn’t anywhere near enough. One night, once again too much had been drunk, on both parts. We were together that night. In the closest way one can be with someone. I discounted all the other times I’d been with other boys. This was different from anything I’d ever know. You were better than whatever came before. Since then, we have been together. You make me cry just about everyday. You know just how to wind me up and you get annoyed over silly things. We have our flaws and our arguments, but you were the one who taught me how to love. I love your hugs. I love your enchanting smile. I love how cute you look when you’re angry. I love how you pull my jumper when you want to put your arm around me.. I love how you’re shy. I love it when I can feel you smiling when we kiss. I love our snuggles. I love how you make me laugh five minutes after making me cry... I just love you for you. I can’t explain why, it transcends explanation.

like i have never been hurt

weheartit/tumblr

the problem is my house

unknown

Dear J,

The problem is my house. You made love to me in my bed. You spent TV
seasons with me under that black and white blanket on my sofa. You sat
on my front porch talking to my mom, and you snuck in through my
basement window to see me.

The problem is my house. I remember what it feels like to fit kisses
sloppily between our laughs that time on the cabana by my pool. And
the night sky through my window looks the same tonight as it did the
night you had your arms around me. And I can still feel my heart rise
when you threw me playfully onto your shoulders and whirled me around
in front of my mirror.

Never mind that you were my first lover. Never mind that once, you
held my heart in your hand. Never mind that you have discovered all of
me, my every flaw and freckle.

The problem is my house. You’ve left your memory in all the rooms and
your lips on all the cups. Your faded image flickers as it lounges on
my kitchen chair smiling, like a dream my house is having.

I want to let you go. I need to. My heart is mine now; it hasn’t
skipped an honest beat to breath your name in a while. But the problem
isn’t my heart. The problem is my house - ‘cause in it, you’re
everywhere to me.

College is coming in September, and I'll be gone. Away from this house
and this town. Until then, "I'll be seeing you, in all the old
familiar places..."

Love always, G

safe + sound

unknown + seaelves

my go-to

anna szczekutowicz

We’ve been through a lot. I met you the first day of college and we quickly became the best of friends. Our budding friend group referred to us as “brother and sister,” inseparable from the start. A few months in, we realized we could be even more, and thus our relationship started. Our friendship grew right along with our relationship. We were best friends, lovers, and roommates-all in one.

Like any friendship or relationship, we had our ups and downs, but we were always together. We were there for each other through thick and thin, no matter what the issue. You went through the worst summer of your life, and I suffered right there with you-your pain was my pain, it went both ways.

It continued on for two years. Then our relationship ended so so badly-we hurt each other until there was nothing left to hurt. You said you couldn’t be with somebody who knew you so well. You wished that we had met 10 years down the road, because then you would’ve married me. That hurt and terrified me. We were both scared, falling out of (a type) of love, and we fought in circles. You unintentionally hurt me more then anybody other has, and in return I intentionally made you suffer for breaking my heart. Our two different relationships were so intertwined, our friendship greatly suffered and by the end we wanted nothing to do with each other.

Another year came along and we went our separate ways, it wasn’t always pleasant seeing each other around town, and that’s putting it mildly. I’m stubborn and argumentative, and you’re difficult and egotistical-not a good combination.

Finally, this spring I decided to try reconciling this deep-seeded hurt. So we started hanging out. While it only happened a few times, each time was wonderful and we connected in the incredible way that we used to, and we were so damn happy. Yet now it must end since we’re both going our own ways for the summer, so I guess we’ll see what the autumn brings.

Like I said, you’re my go-to.

If somebody in my family dies, or my car breaks down, or I need to go to the hospital, or some guy is offensive towards me-you’re the one I’m going to call. And I know it's mutual. It doesn’t matter if we don’t date, or talk all the time, or even see each other. But you know what, we love each other, whether we like it or not, we love each other. So , A., thanks for being my go-to.

anatomy of love

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soak up every second

unknown

i was someone else's when you came into my life. however, i knew from the first time we hung out that you were meant for me. now you've been mine for 25 months. i don't know how we made it through that first year, seeing as all we did was fight. but you believed in us, sometimes more than i did. i often wake up and wish that we could fast forward through college and start our lives together. but when i really think about it, why rush? you're mine forever, might as well soak up every second. i never wanted to be one of those people who married their high school sweetheart, but things have a funny way of working out. so here's to loving you more with every beat of my heart.

don't be late

ffffound

by heart

weheartit

I got coffee with an old friend from high school the other day and we had a lot of catching up to do as we hadn’t seen each other in about a year and a half. About half way through my iced latte, she brought up my ex from high school. My ex, who, I completely lost touch with after we broke up in the beginning of Junior year. Well, technically, we never broke up. We’d decided that we should go on a break for awhile, and then somehow we never got back together. He moved on, a little too quickly for my liking and began dating this really mean girl. Needless to say, the rest of my junior year and the entirety of my senior year were spent with me moping around about having lost the first person I ever fell in love with. I watched from afar how in those two years just how drastically he had changed. He was partying a lot more, hanging out with the popular kids, and refused to even look at me when we passed in the hall. It was like we had become complete strangers, I didn’t know him at all anymore. When prom came around, I was sort of dating someone new and he was still with the girl he began dating after our break up. I heard rumors going around that he wasn’t sure if he was going to go with his girlfriend or if he wanted to take someone else. I had mentioned the idea of he and I going together to a few people, and the idea got back around to him. But we hadn’t spoken in months so in the end we wound up going with the people we were dating.

Towards the end of the school year there were a lot of senior activities going on, like the prom, prom weekend which was spent down the Jersey Shore, the yearbook signing dinner, class trips, and with the deadline of graduation drawing near, the seniors all became a lot closer. I saw him around a lot more often and even began hanging around with him and his friends again. We still didn’t really have any substantial conversations but we were at least being polite to each other and making eye contact again. When it came time to sign each others’ yearbook, I pretty much wrote him a novel. He wrote back a pretty lengthy message as well, and to my surprise, basically apologized for the way everything went between us over the last two years. He also mentioned how I was big part of his life and that he would never forget the times we spent together. Then it was time to go our separate ways for college, he going out of state and me going to school an hour up north. He broke up with his girlfriend, and I broke up with my boyfriend. The next time I would see him would be the following summer, where we only exchanged awkward ‘hellos’, due in large fact that he had brought his new girlfriend from school with him. I couldn’t hate her, she was sweet and they seemed happy together. As I got into my more crazy partying habits at college in the two years that followed, I found myself on more than one occasion, drunk dialing and drunk texting him, even though we hadn’t spoken in so long. And then the next morning I’d feel like such an idiot.

His friends told me that he ignored my text messages on purpose and that I needed to stop doing it. I tried. And for awhile it worked. Until one night a couple months ago, he drunk texted me. The last time he had ever texted me first was back in high school, so I was entirely shocked to see the texts from him, despite them being solely alcohol induced. The next day when I texted him back asking what that was all about, I received no answer. I couldn’t say I was surprised. The following week, I found myself drunk at a party, and texting him again. The text I sent was “I hate you.” And then I broke down. I cried, and cried, and cried and felt so pathetic. Four years later and I was still lingering over my ex boyfriend from high school. I knew I had no more feelings for him, but that he would always hold a special place in my heart. And that I was jealous that he had a new girlfriend, and that he was happy, while I couldn’t manage to find one decent guy at my school. The next day I decided that that would be the last time I ever drunk texted my ex. I was making myself look foolish and obsessive. I deleted him from my face book friends account, I untagged myself from pictures we had together, and I erased his number from my contacts list in my cell phone. I haven’t had contact with him since then and God only knows the next time I’ll run into him. I wish that our break up could have had a better ending so we could still be friends to this day or at least be civil. So many times I’ve considered messaging him and telling I’m sorry for telling him I hate him, and for all the stupid texts I sent over the past two years, and for butting into his business with his new girlfriend. But then again I know doing that will still make me feel like I’m bothering him and obsessing over him.

I told my friend that I was getting coffee with all about my attempt at erasing him from my life. I then laughed and said, it’s not like it matters if I have his number in my contacts list or not, I still know it by heart. As I drove home from our coffee date, I got to thinking about that expression. Saying that you know something by heart instead of just saying you have it memorized. I guess I will always know him by heart, considering he will always have a piece of mine.
-B

would have

ffffound + knownasme

my best friend

edwardjohnphotography

My best friend is getting married in 4 months and 9 days...128 to be exact.

This is the time when I am supposed to be outrageously excited. Jumping for joy. Trying on bridesmaids dresses. Helping pick out wedding decor. Going with her to try on dresses. This is the time when, as her maid of honor, I drop anything and everything to help her plan the most important day of her life.

There are just a few problems with that.
1. I am over 1,000 miles away.
2. I do not think this marriage is a good idea.

So, what's a girl to do?

I called her, I told her how I felt. I said, "S, I think this is a mistake. I love you so much, and I know I don't know *him*, but I just don't have a good feeling about it."

I have known her since my junior year of high school. She was a year older than me, and I thought the world of her. I still do. We have seen each other through love, through heartbreaks (a great many), through death, through new life, through drunken mistakes, through the best times of our lives. I will see her through this stage of her life.

She is my better half. My sister. My partner in crime. My strength. My role model. My safe place. My best friend. I have never loved someone, not even the boyfriends, with the strength with which I love her.

How am I supposed to give my best friend away to a man who hardly knows her? Who knows a mere fraction of the things I know about her?

I love her. That's how. I will go try on the dress and take tons of pictures. We will skype late into the night, and she already sends me texts about the planning. She has no idea what it takes to put on a wedding. I don't either, but it's something we're doing together.

I love you, best friend. And even though I don't know what this holds for you, I am by your side---forever.

(if you could see me, I'm doing the sign for I love you, all the way from Virginia.)

flirt

jeffaquino

i feel good

remedy19

Right now, I feel good. I feel good knowing that you care about me. I feel good knowing that you will give me a chance. I feel good knowing you see me for what I am, not what they say I am. I feel good when you send me cute songs to tell me how much you care, because you don't know how I'll react if you tell it to me face up.

I want you to know that I like you so much. I want it to be us. Us two against the universe. I want you to know that each time I go to bed a picture of your face is stuck in my mind. I want you to know that when I'm at work selling dvd's you're in my mind all of the time. I want you to know that right now – you are the reason I'm staying up til 4 in the morning.

I love how you play the guitar to me. I love how you get scared of scary movies, while I'm sitting there laughing. I love how you kiss me in front of your friends. I love how you smile at me when I said something silly. I love the way you hold me when I'm sleeping. I love how you wake me up in the middle of the night just to tell me something weird.

You're beautiful boy. You're so beautiful that a thousand of people deserve to hear about you. You're so good, you're so bad, that everybody wants to be on your lips. Oh baby, I wont mind getting up at 7 am each day just to make you breakfast.

I think I'm falling in love with you. It feels good.

how do you know...

justawildthought

how do you know if you're in love?

-brittany

way too attached

unknown + tumblr

this year

goldfishsoldi

I made mistakes this year, all of which felt gargantuan at the time—all of which seem relatively trivial now, but are still important, because, most of all, I learned from them. And so the embarrassment of these mistakes is masked by acknowledgment, embracement, and recovery through understanding. Though most of my lessons this year were taught in the form of feeling and fearing and losing and destroying love (of all things) I really think that love is one of the most important emotions to know completely, even though that is often so hard to admit.

I think that sometimes the most difficult person to understand is yourself. As you get older you quickly become more and more aware of all the layers. There are too many layers. There are layers to yourself that feel so normal at one moment and so horrid the next. And that is, in my experience, the most frightening feeling of all: when you wake up in the morning and you can’t remember the person you were last night. You look in the mirror and you can’t recognize the person you’ve seen each time you’ve looked in the mirror over the past nineteen years. Your actions are read back to you and you can’t recall yourself. You are ashamed of yourself.

I began this year in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart on the eastern edge of San Antonio. At midnight I parked my car underneath a highway bridge and kissed a girl. I had a feeling, even then--despite the kiss--that the year 2009 would consist of many pitfalls and reckless nerves.

In front of a coffee shop on the outskirts of Austin, I learned my first lesson about real love—it persists even after the parties involved have torn each other down. Real love builds us back up.

In the front seat of my 4runner, in the parking lot of a bookstore, at the end of the coldest months of the year, I learned that real love, however misguided, is forgiving. But also that misguided love is hopelessly flawed and, regrettably, temporary.

On a canvas on the floor of the bedroom in my parents’ house, I learned that no matter how hard you try to forget someone, you only carry them longer the harder you try.

At the end of March I learned I was not a smart vegan.

Underneath a streetlamp in the suburbs, I learned that no matter how kind and giving and honest you are, you cannot make anyone love you. I learned my own strength, and my ability to recognize an unhealthy presence in my life, and be rid of it.

At the end of the spring I learned that real love truly loves you unconditionally, even without reciprocation. But this love, I also learned, can quickly become greedy, and will selfishly turn you against all the exits in order to keep you under its wing, even at the expense of your own well being.

As the first signs of summer began to spring, I learned to understand the most unforgivable of actions in the most horrible way.

In a small bedroom lacking air-conditioning, I was brutally, gut-wrenchingly, and baldly honest. And in that honesty, I finally recognized to myself the real weight of my actions. I learned that some things are simply unforgivable, no matter how badly you want to cling to the notion that forgiveness is possible.

The final shred of evidence of my once respectable self was ripped away with the departure of my source of life support. I learned that dishonorable actions do not, eventually, go unpunished.

On the cold tile floor of an empty apartment I learned to accept my mistakes as my own. Most importantly, I learned to accept the blame for my own misfortunes, and my abandonment.

On the first notably dark evening on the year, I said goodbye to my family for the real first time, and I learned how much I could truly love and miss someone. And in the missing of them, I learned how much I truly appreciated them. I learned that real love persists, despite nineteen years of conflict and resolution.

Amidst a fever and the first signs of fall, I learned that it is not so much about understanding the difference of opinion, but the indifference of it. I learned that despite how much hurt is inflicted, or how much time has passed, or how much love is shared and lost and shredded, there is room for forgiveness.

On the first almost-cold night of November, I walked around the city of my newfound home, and I learned that the best friends you can ever make are the ones that trust you enough to be there to fall back on. I learned that these friends are the ones you owe the most to, because they trusted you first.

And finally, through the peep-hole of unit B, I spotted a missing link, and I remembered everything I had learned at once. I remembered so much undeserved love, the bitterness of its departure, the sheer pain of the emptiness it left behind, accepting all of the blame so silently, and finally feeling peaceful. And I learned another lesson in the art of starting over, however slowly or reservedly. I learned that the things you are most patient in waiting for are really the only things worth waiting for.

This year I learned to accept the fact that layers change, so people change, so relationships change, so love inevitably changes. Sometimes love changed is love lost, but lessons lie amongst the residue that are painful to face, but the most important to know completely, I think.

This year I have loved, ohh I have loved, and I do not regret.

-CLC

until the sun falls

tumblr

there are no rules

unknown

i don't know enough about anything to preach to anyone, i don't have enough life experience to make assumptions about love, about what it means and what it does to us. but i've caught on recently, to something. through a series of painful realizations, it's started to make an odd sort of sense. not real sense, but the crazy, uninhibited sort of sense that only love can make. i've realized that everything we make ourselves do, everything we put ourselves through, there's no reason for it. the things we say, the places we go to on dates, the pda, the hand holding, the little notes, we only do these things because that's all we know of love. that's what we've seen on television and read about in books. that's the kind of love that we've been taught, is real. but it's only action. and actions might speak louder than words, but feeling means more than action. it's like a twisted game of rock-paper-scissors.

i know that these things often do accompany real love. because if you're in love, you WANT to hold his hand. you want to leave a little note in his jacket pocket for his mom to find in the wash a week later, give to him, and know he's thinking of you. you want to smell him, you want him to hold you and tell you that you're perfect just the way you are. you want to kiss him and make him feel good. you want to listen to the music he listens to, just in the hopes that it will help you understand him better. you want to talk to his dog, and help his mom clean up in the kitchen, talk sports with his dad. you want to know everything. you want to put his needs ahead of your own, and you want to do it all so that he KNOWS you love him. but doing it when you're legitimately in love isn't playing by the rules. because in love, there are no rules. no one to tell you that you're doing it wrong, not even yourself. because to worry and nit pick over the small things is to look back. and love means not looking back. love means holding him, and being afraid. because you could lose him at any moment, but that fear is what keeps you hanging on. in love, anything goes, and that's okay. that's what is so beautiful about it.

is love fear? i don't think so. but what do i know? my life isn't even a quarter of the way through, and i think about things like this? i think about a lot of things that scare me actually. what i loved about him was that he was my best friend. he didn't scare me, not until he left. and now looking at him, every time, it tears me up. i wonder where i went wrong. which rules did i break? but i realized, recently, that the only rule i broke, was assuming that there were rules. because there aren't. i realized too late, that in love, there are no rules.

-leigh

♥

moschino

p.s. just a lovely picture. i didn't think a quote was necessary ♥

40 Things I Forget To Tell You

youcancallmekristin

1. God. School. Family. 3 most important things in my life
2. I will do everything to be a medical doctor. Even if it means giving you up.
3. But then again, I don't want to lose you.
4. I want you to be happy Comfortable with me. Honest with me.
Tell me everything that bugs you, even if it is about me.
5. I much rather have a Mr Darcy, Tony Stark or John Mayer. But I much rather have you.
6. My parents will love you. It's just not the right time.
7. I want my parents to know about us. I don't like lying to you. I don't like lying to them.
8. I'm scared to death with commitment. I will never cheat on you and stuff like that.
But deep down inside, I'm still a crazy singleton.
9. Sundays. A day for God and I. My other lover.
10. Saturdays. A day for you and I. My other lover.
11. The only time I ever lied to you these past 2 months was the day you told me you loved me and didn't want to let me go. I told you I had 3 chocolate caramel bears, and ate them all already. I actually had 4.
12. If anything goes wrong with us, promise me that we will be friends.
I hated the awkwardness we had last week. It felt like I've lost my best friend.
13. Please, tell me when I start talking or rambling too much.
I'm never as happy with anyone else but you.
14. You are the first guy I'm this involved with.
15. You are the first guy I kissed.
16. I rejected dozens of invites to watch that movie, because I wanted to watch it with you.
17. I hate hate hate awkwardness.
18. I'm suppose to be doing my homework right now. Not writing this note for you.
19. I'm scared of hurting you. Whether I accidentally bit you while we kissed,
or hurting your feelings.
20. I want you to do what you want to do, not for me. For yourself.
21. This relationship isn't going to start out as smoothly as you think.
I'm the worst girlfriend anyone can have, but I'll learn.
22. I want to date other guys, eventually.
23. I think I love you.
24. If you ever think something is wrong with me, and don't feel comfortable asking me, just get me drunk.
25. I can't do long-distance relationships. But there is always a thing called trying.
26. When I'm angry, it is school and PMS talking.
27. I don't do anniversaries. Phone calls. Text messages. MSN. Facebook. Stuff like that. I just don't like not seeing your face and holding your hand on the other side of the screen / phone.
28. I still haven't asked you why you love me.
29. You have to wait until your birthday to know why I love you.
30. I actually like your dimple.
31. I like PDA. But it's sexier when no one is watching us.
32. I don't mind friends knowing about us. I do mind if you, or I, are going to get into trouble.
33. Remember our priorities. Everyone and everything else first. Then us.
34. Tell me what you want for your birthday. You are a very picky person.
And that's one of the many reasons why I love you.
35. I will write things like this, on this crappy cheap paper, whether you like it or not.
36. If I'm angry at you, don't worry. I WILL tell you.
The good thing is that I can never be angry with you.
37. We can compromise. I'm not expecting much from this relationship,
but you have to be honest with me.
38. I want to know what you want out of this relationship.
39. I don't know how long this relationship will last.
40. I'm scared to hell right now because I love you.

- J